I definitely am not making anything sound like an ultimatum at all. In fact this is the type of thing I would say
"H, I am struggling with trying to say this in a way that you understand that I am coming from a point of concern for the children, and not trying to influence your decision to serve my own needs. Please believe I am sincere when I am saying that this situation (fill in the blank) makes it difficult for the boys because of (fill in the blank). It might be easier if you find a better way to go about doing this and here are some examples of what might go wrong, which I hope to avoid. Are there any considerations you might want to talk about before you think about a decision? Okay, then I hope to hear from you later to hear your thoughts."
gentle, friendly, and his response is calm, he says "you make some very good points, I will certainly take them into consideration and get back to you this afternoon".
as for the chat last night, after a 10 minute pause after I wrote something about the kids with no response from him....my exact words were something along the lines of...I am finding it difficult to communicate with you over chat on the internet because of the delays in your responses. Maybe next time this should be on the telephone. Good Night!
I am trying VERY hard to be friendly, calm, and talk only about the children and necessary topics.
I REALLY want him to come home, despite it all. I don't think it's a good idea, and I have told him that I don't want him to come home only to leave again...but I think I have emphasized how much it would help the boys if he were home. I haven't told him that I want him home. I miss him a lot. I don't know whether to say this to him or not. I don't want him to feel bad, but I haven't said it to him yet. Maybe he thinks I want him home only for the kids. Not true. But it is my main focus now.
