EXPERIMENTING with physical touch with W

[adinva]

SM, I'll tell you a little secret. I call you SMH in my own mind. Smack My Head. Because you're nothing if not persistent.

That is a good quality and I see it in how you keep on coming back here and trying. I'm impressed with the way that you argue and fuss and write and write and sometimes listen. Because the guys that come here, and one of them is another guy I like to post to, who say one thing, get some flak, and come right back on in the next breath saying "you're right!!! I've learned!!! I've got it now!!!" are honestly not going to get anything out of this. You might.

Detaching is counterintuitive. 90% of the advice given here to people who've been hit with a nuclear bomb and are looking at becoming single, is counterintuitive. And sometimes arguing it through is the only way you can really understand. So, keep on talkin'.

I like the GALS you're thinking of. Be very careful about GALs that will create a long-term time drain from your family. You're probably not the best candidate for a big brother bc you have a 3yo you are already challenged to get home by 5:30 for. But keep thinking because those ideas you brought up are interesting, will improve you, and will surround you with people who don't know or care that you're going through a rocky time, people who will only know you as you are trying to be. It's good for you.

You asked how to not fall in the friends category. Well, I think it's great that you're getting real DB coaching and I think you should try, monitor, evaluate and report back to her the results of what she suggests so that you can do what works.

In the end, in my opinion, the only way you aren't in the "friends" category is you refuse to be cuckolded by your W. You move her out of your bedroom and you set some boundaries about how you will be treated in your own home (some of which I believe you have been doing). You're in the middle of a long drawn out game she's playing that will end in divorce. Who's her next boyfriend going to be? How many boyfriends can she have before you make an appointment with a lawyer? I feel so sad for what you are going through, and you are being a real stand-up guy trying to do your best. I just don't think it is ok at all that she gets to live in your house and openly f&*^+&%^&k some other guy.

I really hope your coach gives you some strength and practical suggestions to try, and I would just encourage you to really try that especially. We're all here because we believe in the solution-based approach, and we should allow you to give it a fair try.