I got the hint in September when she said her feeling were numb and she was blaming it on the anti depression meds. She wasnt very fun to be around so i spent most of my free time in the shed drinking beer and doing things around the house.
It sounds like she was reaching out to you for emotional support. Unfortunately you reacted by putting distance between the two of you. This probably led to a lot of resentment on her part.
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Boom reality check for me so I stopped drinking, the pot, went to AA, started a diet and became more engaged with the kids.
Good for you, stick with it!
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I asked her to see a marriage councilor and within 15 minutes my wife and the councilor had me pegged as a alcoholic and there was no hope for our marriage. Not very professional or helpful i thought.
You thought right, that was a very poor counselor. But this is also why we don't recommend MC with a WAS, they tend to hear what they want to hear. If the C says anything about S or D then the WAS will jump all over it like it's the greatest revelation ever.
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She put the house for sale and started making inventory of what she wants when the house sells. All this happened 5 days after she told me that she wanted to leave the marriage.
I know it seems fast, but she's probably been planning her exit for months or even years. It's not "sudden" to her.
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I made the rookie mistakes by asking her to come try again and to seek another marriage councillor but she keeps saying no im done. I am having a hard time accepting that she wont try for the sake of the children.
Accept it, she's done for now. Read Sandi's thread at the top of this forum and live the DB 180 tips. You have got to stop all R and M talk right away. Remove all pressure from her. Give her time and space. Just because she's done for now doesn't mean she won't change her mind later, but it's a long, hard road to get to that point. Be patient!
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I made drastic changes over the last 2 month and thought she would realize how serious i was about improving my lifestyle for myself and our family.
Do it for you, not for her. If you do it for yourself you are more inclined to stick with it and not get discouraged.
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I have always been there for her but she has trouble opening up.
And what did you do when she tried to open up? "She wasnt very fun to be around so i spent most of my free time in the shed drinking beer and doing things around the house." I'm not blaming you, I handled my own W's attempts to open up with similar actions. But I've read a lot of books since BD, have been through counseling and and RetroV. What all of this has taught me is I had just as much trouble opening up to her, and I did all the wrong things that discouraged her from opening up to me. You need new tools in your toolbox.
