Thank you Starsky. I've been considering making a low and high demands list that I got from the book after the affair. High would be the letter/email to OW.
Honestly, I've had these conversations with him so much that I just want to take a break from it all. What's also helping is that his actions demonstrate him moving closer and closer to us.
All in all GREAT things to think about.
I understand you're emotionally spent, Vero, and there's also the whole "I don't want to spook him!" thing. I get it. I myself squirmed like a witch with holy water poured on her when my sponsor/mentor coached me to do these very things. Today, looking back the 5 1/2 years, I can see that he was right (and even saw in just a couple of months where my way didn't work, before I tried his way). I would just caution you, however, that you really only get ONE SHOT at this. It is now -- when they ask back into the marriage -- that is your moment of maximum leverage.