Yes, I’m reading the book. I’ll admit that I previously skimmed over parts that I thought didn’t necessarily pertain to me…a huge mistake.
I’m still making everything about ME. Me being sad because of the thought of losing our house, a huge chunk of my income, less time with the kids, all of it. Now she’s moved out of our bedroom and barely speaks to me..this makes me sad too. That is all me thinking only of ME. This has been a continual “more of the same” behavior from me for several months. So for all this impending crap that has to be dealt with that makes me feel sad, I need a what? An “as if” attitude? A Positive attitude? Keep it to myself and show a positive outlook? Whatever it is, I have to immediately change what I’ve been doing. This starts TODAY.
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Did you read the book or are you still just guessing and reacting? Did you read the post I sent to you? B/C it took TIME to write and I'd like to think you'd read it since you evidently don't believe in reading the book this site is based on.
I needed the wakeup for me just guessing and reacting. Yes, I read your post. I will have more to day about that, thank you.
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you "found out"? How? What happened to No more snooping?
A mutual friend told me. I have not snooped for about two weeks.
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so you made some demands and she seemed to "obey" (I mean, agree???) and then what? She didn't obey you? Or you snooped or what? I don't see where the OM is in this post. And I wish you'd stop issuing your orders. If you sound to her the way you sound here, it's NOT helping you.
No, I had no idea she was contacting him again. When our friend told me, I asked my W if she had started contacting him again. She said yes, she had. Like I said, I told her I felt that it was not appropriate/unacceptable. She told me she would at least refrain from doing so until she moved out. That is one of the first "demands" I have ever stated. I agree, this is pointless. I have no ground from which to state demands at this point, because I garner no respect from her right now.
The only thing I want to take away from all that is I approached her with sadness....I was very "sad" that she would start contacting him again. So again, I'm seeing a pattern here of my interactions with her. Sadness. Like wanting my mommy to come and soothe me.
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how did your "counteracting" work for YOU? Did it make you more attractive to her? Did it make her want to be around you more? Did it make YOU feel better? What, if anything, did you learn?
It made us both feel awful. Obviously, it made her feel much much worse when she was looking at it from the standpoint of something positive for her career. All I could do was think of being "sad" for myself because she was going to see OM again---yes, I understand this is me guessing. It needs to stop.
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Stop looking for reasons to give up. It makes you seem lazy and as if you are totally unable to control your mouth or attitude.
OK. This is my tendency. This is the hardest thing I've ever been through, and I'm crumbling. What does it say about me? I'd rather succumb to sadness and wait for someone else to pull me out of it. This is HUGE for me--a long term issue.
What I can gather, these are the immediate things that need to be worked on today:
Sadness Guessing Passive-agressiveness Lack of support
My W is so far gone right now, that things will be pretty slow to start, I imagine. But then again, this is just me guessing....
Geez, I can't believe I was ready to give up....what does that say about me?
As for as GAL, I have a time problem. Our schedules are as follows: I work 10-12 hours per day, 6 days a week right now. As soon as I get home, my W leaves for her work, so I spend all that time with the kids until their bedtime. I don't have time to GAL right now, so to me it means all I can do is work on 180's at this point. I don't know what else to do... except read the book.
Thanks for telling me I need an attitude adjustment....if this is how I come off to you, how am I coming off to my W??
