Originally Posted By: desperateman

I stopped all contact with her 3 days ago because she said she does not wish to communicate with me. That it disturbs her peace.


Good, now stick with that. She's specifically asking you to give her time and space, so do it! I'm sure 3 days seems like an eternity to you, but to her it's the blink of an eye. If you cave and reach out to her it would be a big mistake. So just stay silent. Don't contact her at all. It's OK to reply if she contacts you though.

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Because of cultural differences, I couldn't tell my parents that I was going to marry her. They would have never accepted this. She was fine with it.


There was a sponsor couple in our RetroV weekend that had the exact same issue with unapproving parents. They also thought they were fine with it, but stuff like this is poison to a marriage. It slowly eats away at both spouses, it's very unhealthy. It nearly destroyed their marriage. They recovered, but it was a long, hard road.

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So I went on a month long vacation to be alone, work on my inner problems and myself. My wife didn't complain and was okay with it.


Just because she didn't complain doesn't mean she was OK with it. We guys, we don't know how to get our wives to talk about how they feel. We just assume that if they don't complain then everything is OK. BUT IT ISN'T!!!!! The reason most of us are here is because we mistook our wives' silence for meaning the marriage was OK when it was in fact rotting away.

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That has been the main reason for my current problems. She feels I wasn't motivated and was erratic. Also, she feels that I should have told my parents about the marriage.


Totally reasonable expectations.

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"when you went on that vacation, something inside me 'broke'" (but she never said or seemed against it at that time, but now I think her silence was a way to avoid a conflict).


This was probably more about you being completely insensitive to her feelings on the matter. She clearly was not OK with it, but you mistakenly assumed she was. You should have discussed this in depth with her before making such a big decision. I'm not trying to berate you over it, just help you understand what probably went wrong.

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She is adamant on divorce. She can't file for divorce until Jan 1st of next year.


Great, you've got a lot of time! Use it effectively. Start by getting a job. Make yourself a stable choice for her. Get your act together. Do 180's on all her complaints. Show her the spouse she wants, not the one she has had (that she clearly doesn't want).

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But I feel like she has made up her mind and won't care about anything from here on..when I get a job and whatever else.


She loved you when you got married. She has changed her mind and doesn't want to be married now. BUT... she can change her mind again. What are you doing to make her change her mind again?

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But form what I have read, its geared towards couples who live in the same household and is meant to help such couples. Is that correct?


No, keep reading.


Me: 60 w/ S18, D24, D27

M: 21 years; BD: 06-14-12; S: 09-10-12; D final: 03-17-14; XW:57