Confused beyond belief

[labug]

You're swinging a pretty heavy hammer and that's OK but it may not get you the response you need.

People who avoid conflict, avoid conflict, so you may need to find a different way of expressing your needs and the needs of your sons. You didn't say how you stated these things but it sounds like ultimatums, which are dead ends.

I have been very frustrated with these types of things and my H. Remember minus the affair, he's much like your H. Now when I really need something from him, I say it very clearly without blame or shame, just what I need.

Don't expect him to suddenly be someone he's not but clearly asking for what you need in as few words as possible without judgment may make your life easier.