I had an extended chat online with H about the boys. I said he did not ask about them and I would be glad to share how they are doing if he was interested. I shared what the counselor had said, and a few insights, all pretty sad. He was silent (no response) for long periods in between so I said that I didn't think I could do this without reciprocation. He needed to participate in the conversation or I would feel uncomfortable continuing, so I said good night.
That is my new boundary. I made it clear that I was willing to share with him. I made it clear that he had to actively participate/ask questions. I will no longer come forward to "help" him with his conversation skills. He is so ineffective it is like I am enabling him by taking the lead all the time while he sits passively. I don't like that feeling. I will give him whatever information he asks for, but I will not be as forthcoming as I was tonight. I resent that I ran around all day seeing and contacting therapists and groups for my sons and he just wants to know if he should show up to the sessions or what he should do. I told him he should find his own counselor to help him with his conversation skills. Why on earth do I still have to do all of the work and he piggybacks along on it. He should take charge. I am cleaning up his mess.
