Total Eclipse by Dan Band

[2chiquitos]

I'm so amazed at how much I've learned this past year and a half.

I know that I would've never grown so much in such a short amount of time.

Yesterday my older brother was angry and blamed my siblings and I for my mother's depression. I've learned to detach from these attacks. So have compassion for my brother and definitely to not take his anger personally.

I would've NEVER perceived yesterday's interaction with such humility. THANK GOD! Seriously! I would've defended myself and attacked him. Instead I've been thinking of sending him a text telling him that I'm sorry he's hurting. I hope he can rest knowing that we all care about my mother. And that I love him very much.

WE DON'T COMMUNICATE THIS WAY! Instead we get angry, we cry, we storm out, we ignore. I'm done with unhealthy patterns!

I don't want my children to treat each other this way so I need to be the example.

On another note, I decided to take a leap of faith and be vulnerable. I've been reading After the Affair and learned that although we don't feel comfortable making moves towards each other, it needs to be done a few times in order to feel comfortable.

So I called H and asked him if when we go to dinner on Tues we could hold hands. I said that if we do it often, we'll eventually feel comfortable. He agreed.

I gotta say, we only held hands maybe the first year we were dating. After that, nada. So this is BIG!

I decided to move over to the piecing thread. I was so reluctant to do so because, ugh...I'm sure you all have an idea. The fear of going there and then having to come back because it was a fluke. But I'm going to dive in with my eyes closed cuz I'm a big chicken but at the same time very courageous.

I will check in here once in a while and of course check in on everyone else.

Final thought.
Enjoy the journey cuz it's quite a ride!!