EXPERIMENTING with physical touch with W

[SM34]

Ok now those posts are what I need. =)

Reality checks but also mixed with some advice and some motivational comments. Thank you everyone for taking interest.

25,, I did say in my post that I am still working I the things that caused me to withdraw a little during my M.

Since a lot of our issues stemmed from financial difficulty, I am taking thus time (the gift of time as cadet says) to better my business by undergoing some much needed expansion.

I am also developing the skills needed to manage from a distance by delegating and also establishing a chain of command so I don't have to be so involved. That's how I have been able to be home by 5.30pm for a couple months now (one of my 180s).

I am also learning to cope with stress, or more correctly I am learning to relieve my stress through exercise and stretching. I would like to take a yoga relaxation class also as part of this personal goal.

The vitamins are only one aspect of the things I am doing to make sure that my hectic life does not affect my mood and my sex drive.

Plus just the fact that I had a nuclear bomb go off in my lap will mean I won't allow myself to slack on my W (or future spouse) needs.

I am also working on trying to be more sociable, also as a,way to blow off steam. I just discussed it with my brother who runs a very hectic business and has two young kids but manages to stay happy. He said his motto is work hard, play harder. So I am going to try to live this.

If I had to summarize the problems in my M as far as what I caused, I would say it was a stressful business life and lack of personal ability and tools to deal with the stress and not let it bring me down. So all the things I have highlighted are ways to rid myself if this problem so I can be happier =) so far it is working quite well.

I thought about the fact that I had asked for help to 'fix' my marriage. This is not exactly possible and I understand that.

I understand now the paradox. I must get myself to a point where I am confident I will be fine with or without my wife so that I can set boundaries for what I will and will not allow. Then in doing so, my W may respect me enough to want to try our M again. Of course she has to see that I have changed and that our finances can be better and that I can deal with the stresses of my business life and not let them affect my ability to be affectionate.

What I need help with, is what to do in the meantime. I am working on the things I mentioned and also some other 180s. But my W still lives with me and we have very positive interactions.

I need pointers to make sure I don't slip into the 'friends' category.

I need pointers on how to flirt with her without being clingy or needy or pursuing. Like 25 suggested that perhaps I smack her behind or whatever I used to do before BD. Also she suggested that perhaps I mention to wife that my new relaxed self, and vitamin loaded, and exercised and rested body is now hornier than ever, and that she is missing out. Just to get her to wonder and to think about that our M does not have to be sex starved.

So these are the kind of tips I am looking for. Like i said , everyone just has to trust that I am working in my 180s and changes, and on detaching and for us to move past that. I guess that is what I would like, optimally. Sorry if i was rude about it guys =(

So I haven't tried any touch again. But I have been inside of W physical personal space and she didn't back away. So I will have to report these things to laurie and see what next.

If anyone has tips on interacting with W while I reach full detachment, please offer it! I need to build respect and also show her a loving caring husband so that when the time comes for us to separate, she will have these good last memories of me.

Thank you all again for your recent posts. They made perfect sense to me, and I enjoyed seeing that you all meant well when you were being brutal to be. It felt like an attack, a bombardment from every direction, but now I see it was all 'from a place of love'.