63 days later I lost nearly 40 pounds, no booze or pot, met with many councillors, became very engaged with the boys, I do all the cleaning & cooking all with a very positive attitude! I made the rookie mistakes by asking her to come try again and to seek another marriage councillor but she keeps saying no im done. I am having a hard time accepting that she wont try for the sake of the children. I made drastic changes over the last 2 month and thought she would realize how serious i was about improving my lifestyle for myself and our family.
It does sound like she's had to deal with a lot of pain in a short time.
I highlighted your line above because it seems you are desperate for her to see your changes. This is understandable but you don't want to appear desperate. It's better if you work quietly on yourself. Actions speak louder than words. You don't have to say anything because she'll see the changes, and...
say it's "Too Little, Too Late"! Especially if you're waving it in her face, she'll resent you for only changing after she gave up... In other words, you're only doing it to win her back.
Cut back a bit on the "doing all the cooking and cleaning". This too makes you look desperate, and she'll lose respect for you. Seriously. Marriage is teamwork. It's great you've stepped up, but leave some chores for her, even ask her to do some if you have to.
Keep up with your changes, especially being sober! Figure it's either booze or her, you can't have both. GAL. This will help you cope and make you more attractive.
Oh, and no more MC for a while. She is not in a place where it will do any good. As a matter of fact, avoid all relationship talks. Focus on the kids.
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
