After a much needed hiatus from the board, I'm back and I wanted to update you fine folks.
Rather than go into a long and drawn-out recap of the last few months, I'll just sum it up as best as I can.
I decided I needed a break from visiting this board for a few reasons. One was simply that I needed to get a new perspective on my life and felt I was spinning my wheels a bit on this forum. As there was no real "progress" on my situation, I found myself simply rehashing things a bit too much. Another reason is I felt that I was becoming a little too reliant on the advice and camaraderie here. I GREATLY appreciated (and still do) everyone who took the time to read and comment on my posts, but I feared that I was going down a path that I was paralyzing myself by needing to ask advice on every little thing... and reassurances that my actions were going to take me down the right path. And finally, I knew I needed to take my GAL to the next level, and dwelling on my situation on these boards was, at least in some small part, keeping me back from that.
So I've been doing just that... GALing just as hard as I can. I've made a few new friends, become much closer with some, and caught back up with a few people I'd lost touch with. I've been taking more "risks" and trying a lot of new things. I'm training for my first race and doing a LOT of new writing. I've even been working on a screenplay treatment that's gaining some actual traction out in L.A. and there's a chance that it's going to get picked up by a studio and actually produced!
And while all of this is happening, I've obviously been doing a lot of thinking about my situation... And I'm coming to some uncomfortable, but necessary conclusions.
It's been almost exactly a year since this whole thing really hit. And it's been months since I've had any meaningful contact with W. (The only contact we've had is work-related, with her occasionally throwing in a quick update on the goings on in her life). Honestly, it's becoming clear to me that the hopes of a reconciliation are practically zero. And the cryptic "We need to talk very soon about some stuff" email I got a few hours ago seems to confirm these suspicions.
The weird part is, I KNOW that my life will go on. I've already been able to find some new happiness in my life without W, and I know that one way or another, I'm going to not only be fine, but prosper thanks to all of the things that DB has taught me.
I even have been considering starting the D paperwork on my own. Because I'm having a hard time convincing myself that there's anything left to fight for... She's still with OM, quite possibly has moved in with him, there's almost no contact between us, and there have been zero signs of any kind of thaw in this situation.
Some days, I'm convinced that D is for the best... that she'll be happier and I'll be happier. And some days, like today (after getting that email) I can't see giving up, no matter how long the odds become...
But again... I'm having a hard time continuing to fight for something that seems so impossible...
Thanks for reading. I'm sure I'll be around more often.
