What I'm learning from H stages, myself!

[albamarie]

Yes, when h is trying to inject himself into the house and conversations I find it very hard. I'm in no way disillusioned like I used to be to allow myself to be confused, I am well aware that it means nothing, nothing has changed. Maybe he's just to lazy to be an giant a-hole for that moment.

I have been let down by this man so many times that i am in no way even moved by his trying to be ''human'' or nice. I have actually become very callus toward him and have become hardened to his needs or wants to even consider caring.

My montra continues: MY TOLERANCE FOR BS HAS DIMINISHED GREATLY!

It is leaking it's way into my other parts of life as well. A few months ago my S21 said I was going to have to grow some balls to make it through without such devastation, well I leaned on him for that (borrowed his) and now I am starting to grow my own, strength that is!

My D19 is seeing a stronger me, seeing me taking a stand against some of her teen-age attempt to get past me. I gave my mom a chance to STFU, but when she didn't I told her the hard truth about how she will be alone, because her words are too damaging.

I am done being abused, and will certainly not go back to that unloved, crushed little girl she set out into the world at 17yrs old. Who then married a great man, who turned into a monster, who then want's to abuse me! Cycle is broken, I am not going to let H become who she was to me, or change me, I am not the one in MLC.

My H was finally told about the new g-kid OTW, he had mixed feelings, but then took it out of context and told me I'm not his mother! I let him have it...I said leave me, get out of my life, you have made it very clear that I am nothing to you, we're not even friends. He said he will not be the one to end this!

It's like MLC for dummies, threaten everything under the sun and do nothing! LEt the LBS take over, then they are to blame for the dimise. All he says is he's indifferent w/me because he's having an extrem spiritual battle w/God.

I asked about ea he said she's the devil and it's part of his spiritual battle. He swears no PA...it's a volatile, evil, crazy, sitch. Her F's know he's M and tell him she's not worth helping, but it's a challenge he has to see through hoping he can make God see how he's willing to give it all up to help the lowest form of life, messiah like. Maybe someone more spiritual than I, can get that one!

Then he screams, outside ''this is my battle, my challenge to God" ''were is he to intervene, let him stop me if there is a GOD! Why is He letting me treat you like this?

So no, I don't like when he's nice or normal because it leads into him seeing the slightest glimmer of a green light to let out his spew. He offered to keep me sexually satisfied last night in order to insure what - that i won't leave him because that, w/money is all I need to sustain me?

He's very sexually unwilling and unable with this ''manopause'' he's going through and knew's I won't cheat so he offered himself up! What a guy! He want's me around, just don't dare cross that line girly or I'll bit your head off!