"I wish she was level headed and just living alone like your W is/was. Then things would make sense to her and she could evaluate things objectively."
Regarding this ^^^^, holy crap do I ever wish that was the case when it was all going down. I did not for a second think that she was being level headed. I didn't think she was able to evaluate things objectively at the time, either. Once I got my head screwed on correctly it became clear (read some of my older posts from about a year ago) that she really wasn't. NOTWITHSTANDING - after several blistering 2x4s it finally hit me that there wasn't really a thing that I could do if she was or wasn't. MAYBE...and this is a big "maybe"....some day long down the road if we are able to put it all back together she may look back and say "wow...that was not a good time for either of us....I'm sorry" - but I neither expect nor demand it.
I guess what I am saying is that I KNOW I did not have an OM to contend with, but the line of thought and dissatisfaction she felt is no different than what your W is living. The difference is my XW never acted on things, but that was it - I just as easily could have been in your situation.
Again - I am not beating up on you in the least. I do have hope for you and your life - you are getting a big share of attention from great posters. Keep your mind open.
