EXPERIMENTING with physical touch with W

[adinva]

It is often the words that grate the most that it is worth the most to drop your offense and pay attention to. No one here gets jollies out of saying you're overly attached to your wife's behaviors and that your history as you've described it sounds codependent.

You're trying to control this all. Who posts to you, what they post to you and why they are the right ones to post that to you, what you don't want to hear and what you think will help save your marriage and what you think won't. What people are trying to get across to you is that you don't know what you don't know here. Reread Michelle's chapter on the beginner's mind.

We are all in the same boat with you whether you think it makes a difference who's male or female or not. I actually believe it does not matter at all. I've tried to help you rethink some of your ideas about females that you gathered recently in some books you had read, as well as ideas that you seem to have had over a longer term than that, and this may be part of the specifics of your situation. But the core of your situation is the same no matter whether you're the h or the w, no matter whether they're in an affair or not.

You suggested that only the WASs in an affair really are like drugged, really don't know what they're doing, and the others are making conscious rational decisions and are open to being convinced to come back. Not true. Otherwise this would be a site of only affairs because all the others, like mine, would already be back in a happy marriage. The same advice holds for every single one of us. You can stop making things worse. You must focus on improving yourself. The odds for your marriage are not good.

You skipped over my comment that no one here "saved" their marriage. You really need to understand that you cannot control this outcome, and none of those other guys controlled their outcomes either. That is why you keep hearing the same advice, to focus on yourself. It really is all you can do.