your recent posts make so so happy afa! you are such a great person and i am so glad things are going so much better for you! ((((((((((((happy hugs))))))))))))
Me(f): 51 W: 41 DP:8 M:3 T:10 "W not happy" 7/11 D final: 8/13
NG, Tori, and Wendy. You all flatter me with the compliments; and if the truth be told, I couldn't have done / continue to do so without everyones support and guidance.
Brief update - The w/e went well. W and I intereacted positively. She initiated several ongoing flirty behaviors, some with physical touch. 8) It was pleasant, that D12 asked "what's going on" between to us W.
On the way to work, I was angry. I was thinking of having to deal with my coworker. I was also thinking about creating the "trauma narrative" and the listing of many negative actions by W and / or with OM. Sure am hopeful that this narrative thing helps me let it go.
No word yet from job opportunity. Coworker really didn't talk much to me today. He was wearing a tie (normally doesn't) so I'm guessing he had the 1st interview today.
I left work early b/c S2 had an annual follow up at the hospital to check on his kidney. In utero, one kidney did not develop. Essentially W and I received the good news that the good kidney has grown extra to compensate for the other one. The other one has totally involuted / disintegrated which means no surgery.
During / on the drive back W made several interesting comments. 1. "Is it okay that I'm choosing not to leave on w/e's?". My response, sure it's your choice. 2. "I was anxious about spending today with you. You've seemed more distant the past few days". Me: Sorry, didn't intend to be. 3. "I can't imagine divorcing you.". 4. A few other general positives eg. You (I) have changed a lot the past several months. She was reminiscing about a Cancun vacation we took years ago.
She did ask what i wanted. I said honestly don't know. W seemed surprised / disappointed that I didn't automatically say yes. I told her that if we were to try to work on things again it has to be different. Not half ass like the first time. She agreed. So now to figure out what I want for me, including can I truly work through the A (anger, etc). For now, I'm going to go lift weights and then eat dinner. Maybe accept W's invite to watch Castle (DVR'd).
Now, are you really not sure of what you want? I sense you do want to save your M but acknowledge the old dynamics won't work. I agree that getting over the A will be hard, and it'll take time. I read that the average time to get over the bad feelings is 3-5 years...It's one of the worst forms of betrayal one can experience, so this is why.
Now, are you really not sure of what you want? I sense you do want to save your M but acknowledge the old dynamics won't work
Once again, you are spot on. I'm stuck in the sense of fear. Afraid of having to go through a 3rd BD so to speak if things don't work out. Simply afraid to address that with which does have to be addressed if we are to R. If it weren't for the A, I'd say definitely. There's a lot of ugliness of course (both sides) that will have to be looked at.
Side note, last night, W made a joke about how she was lucky to have a pimple on her nose vs one I have near my mouth, it looks like "herpes". My response was joking and a bit underhanded (I admit that). It was "well for those who think we are still married, they'll think I got it from you." Her response though, was we are still married.
Also, she made a few comments about how she is unsure of when / if she can touch me. I shared the same feeling. She added that she "always" has that want.
Really not sure who is temperature checking more, her or me.
Have you checked out veroprado's recent threads? she just moved to the piecing forum. her H is making movement back to her and she is experiencing some of the same fears. i think you could help each other, if you are not doing so already.
((((((((((((((( ))))))))))))))))))))))
Me(f): 51 W: 41 DP:8 M:3 T:10 "W not happy" 7/11 D final: 8/13
