At this point I tell her that if she isn't going to sleep here again and work on things with me then she needs to get her stuff out. She says she's going to work on it. I tell her that way we both can move on with our lives without worrying about the other and it was nice knowing her.
This part was great.
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I tell her that I'm sorry I made her miserable, that I made mistakes and lost a special woman, and I hope she's happy in her new life.
I think you've already told her this several times before, didn't need to say it again.
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On the call I told her that I still care about her and the kids and I want them to be happy. I told her that if fully moving out, moving on, and being with somebody else is what she believes will make her happy and is the best for the kids I support her.
Good job on this too.
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I told her that if she ever changes her mind, even in a year, to not be afraid to talk to me. I said that I couldn't make guarantees that we would get back together but that I wanted to keep the lines of communication open in that regard, I just didn't want her to fear approaching me if she wanted to get back with me.
You don't want to leave her with the impression that you're just sitting around waiting indefinitely though. I think you somewhat recovered by saying you weren't offering any guarantees, so overall this was not harmful.
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When I told her that was everything she just started telling me about how much she's working her two jobs, isn't getting to spend time with the kids, is struggling with money, and said she didn't want me thinking she was ignoring me. I told her I understood, I know how it feels to work that much, and that I didn't think she was ignoring me.
I'm just telling you this so you know the difference, but what you did here was not validating her emotions. You do not want to tell her you "know how it feels" because you're implying that you've suffered the same or worse problems than her. What you want to do instead is validate- ask her something like "that sounds frustrating, is that how you feel?" Then if she says "yes" you say "I can hear that you're frustrated, I can understand why you feel that way." When you respond that you know how something feels, you're minimizing what they're going through and you're also making it sound like you're ignoring their feelings (IE, stop right there because I already know how you feel).
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I told her that if she needed food at work she could ask me to drop it off.
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Then I told her that if she needed help with the laundry she could bring it by the house.
These are just pandering. Don't make yourself available to her fetch-and-call. You want her to know that you are moving on with your life with or without her. You're no longer her errand boy. Show strength and independence from now on.
And let that be the last time you contact her. You've way, way, WAY over-pursued her. You've said everything that can be said at this point, anything more is just beating a dead horse that's already been beaten to a pulp. So let that be it. Any conversations from this point forward whether by phone or text should be initiated by her and your responses should be extremely minimal. If you want to have any chance of getting her back then she has got to learn to miss you and that will take months of little to no contact.
