Confused beyond belief

[Tallula]

As if things couldn't get any WORSE. and I swear I am not making this up. After a nice movie night with the boys, where H thanked me for the opportunity and appeared very grateful...we said goodbye and I took the recycling out, only to see H enter the house across the street. I thought I was seeing things because he has already driven away. So I called him on his cell and he did not answer...3x...then he did answer and I could tell he was not in the car on the bluetooth--I said--where are you? he said he didn't like the tone of my voice--and said he refused to answer these questions. Asked if I wanted him to return. I said yes. I watched the house across the street (the neighbor is recently divorced and very suspicious--our sons are friends, but she has flirted with H in the past) Next thing H strides up to the house panting. I said where were you? where is your car? Because I saw none. He wouldn't answer so I said--I know where you were. WHY? and he said he needed to pick something up.

I have no words. He's out of control! I don't know what to say but as far as DB goes, shouldn't you ask him any questions about his actions? I know you are beyond mad and sad (I'd be too!) but if he's gonna lie about his actions anyway, why not ask and see how he reacts? I am so sorry TW

Ok. Deep breath. This sounds like my H. So when he told me about his affair...he confessed to multiple PAs in our first 3 years. Horrified...yes. Shocked, yep. He cutoff OW 3 weeks ago and then I snooped on his phone and basically saw that he is laying the groundwork for another A. At least texting a woman who's number he didn't save. I haven't told him about that. He'll just flip it around on me. But I know. My eyes are open. For me, that was were my boundries became clear. See, my H wanted to move forward with our R, but still be FB friends with OW and secretive with his phone. No dice for me. I said calmly that I needed transparency and OW defriended on FB. He didn't want to do it. Flipped out. Calmed down and finally admitted that he does need to decide if he wants/can to be a faithful H before we can try to work on our M. It took me 2 1/2 months to get there, but I have no regrets. I didn't jump to any decision based on anger. I know in my heart that should this end in D, I have given it time, given him space, done everything in my power to give this M a chance.

So, cry, scream, get quiet. You have just had a serious jolt to the system. Affair, more lies, maybe a new one. Your H is really messed up right now. Figure out your boundries. YOU. When I set mine, I didn't ask if he was going to date other woman or anything. He offered up that this S isn't so he can run around with other woman, it's for him to be alone. But, I don't know if he is capable of that. I don't ask. It's running through my head, but heck...at least he isn't doing it infront of me anymore. This is my time for me.

I am giving you a HUGE cyber hug. God, is this painful. I'll punch yours, if you punch mine