Are my 180s/ LRT working? Te reason I ask is my wife sent me a text earlier which just said "thank you for trying to move on and for accepting this. We will make this work because of the great parents we have been, and will be"
This has really troubled me - I feel like because she can see me " moving on" it has pushed her further away - please help me - I really would appreciate any advice ASAP.
No, it's not pushing her farther away. You only feel this way because DB'ing is counterintuitive. It's doing the opposite of what your heart tells you to do (which is beg/ plead/ cry/ negotiate/ etc.) Your DB'ing is making her feel more comfortable, like the two of you are now on the same page. This will lead to her feeling better about talking to you, spending more time with you, etc. Because the pressure has been removed. Think about the needy/ grabby alternative behavior, do you really think that would be better? Of course not.
How did you respond to her comment? I would suggest something like "You're welcome!! I agree that it's important for us to focus on the kids now and make this as easy on them as possible."
As a personal aside, my W also thanked me for "moving on" after I let her move out. She also made a similar comment about how we would be great coparents. Months went by before she finally started showing signs of interest- she bought me Christmas presents, signed us up for RetroV, and she now initiates hugs daily. I'm convinced she's showing these baby steps now because I followed Db'ing instead of my own instincts. I gave her time and space and focused on my own GAL activities rather than trying to coerce her into returning.
