Bug is right. You are addicted to him. I know about this all too well. Finally I am getting stronger, but have my very down days too. It will be like this for a bit. You are strong. Definitely see what you can do about IC. It does help. There is codependency in your R with him. We post some songs on another thread with TVS and call it the MLC Jukebox. This one by Pearl Jam is about codependency. You don't have to be this way. You are only 29/30. Lots of opportunity for you kiddo and you are stronger than you believe.
"Better Man"
Waitin', watchin' the clock, it's four o'clock, it's got to stop Tell him, take no more, she practices her speech As he opens the door, she rolls over... Pretends to sleep as he looks her over
She lies and says she's in love with him, can't find a better man... She dreams in color, she dreams in red, can't find a better man... Can't find a better man Can't find a better man Ohh...
Talkin' to herself, there's no one else who needs to know... She tells herself, oh... Memories back when she was bold and strong And waiting for the world to come along... Swears she knew it, now she swears he's gone
She lies and says she's in love with him, can't find a better man... She dreams in color, she dreams in red, can't find a better man... She lies and says she still loves him, can't find a better man... She dreams in color, she dreams in red, can't find a better man... Can't find a better man Can't find a better man Yeah...
She loved him, yeah... she don't want to leave this way She feeds him, yeah... that's why she'll be back again
Can't find a better man Can't find a better man Can't find a better man Can't find a better... man...
M17 yrs. me49 xW47 d15 d11
BD1-Jul/11(Affair found out) Therapy 9 months (tried 2) BD2- May/12(sep) Court Jul/13 - I got 50/50 Sold home - Aug/13 Court #2 - Dec/13 Court#3 - Apr/14 ... She lost again We settled.
