Oh, SS, my heart aches for you! Our sitches are similar. I really wish you could see a IC!! You deserve so much better than this. No matter how "awful" you were, no one deserves to be verbally abused. Keep telling yourself that.
My H has anger issues, but would kind of bully me into not talking about things. but only in the last few months has he become really verbally abusive. I started telling him immediately that I won't be spoken to like this, come find me when you want to discuss this more rationally. It was a huge step for me. Later, he admitted the way he has been treating me is abusive and that he was so proud of me for not taking it. My H does have some, eh some, willingness to look at his behavior. I've really sat down and looked at our R and I know what things I do and don't want anymore. I want a partner in help with the kids. I do everything. Things like this. I know that it was both our faults in setting things up like this. I hope H can be this man, but he may not.
Remember, you have no idea how happy they really are. Of some other woman wants to do everything for your H and put up with his anger...let her. The happy train will end soon, if it even is. What prize has she really won. The FB status reek of "look how happy I am, see!!!!" cause I doubt anyone is telling him what a great choice he has made. Here are 2 people trying to start an R that was based in lying and cheating. That can't be super fun.
Big hugs!!! I can't even imagine having an OW with my kids. God, I feel for you!!
M: 9 yrs T: 13 yrs H:34 Me:35, S4, D2, S 7 months Dday 11/12-PA & multiple PAs Dbing 12/12 S 1/13 7/13 H moved back in basement. 8/13 #3 born 10/13 still cheating 10/13 He moves across country, I file for D
