Seriously, go back and read everyone's response. No one is trying to beat you up, they just see you so concentrated on W, that no progress will be made. Detaching is absolutely NOT about not caring! Everyone says that constantly. Detaching is about not being attached to what your wife is DOING or THINKING, but you still care. Like I helped my H pack up things to move. I did this because I wanted to, not so he would see how awesome I am. Which is what you just again stated you want help with. How to GET her to see/want to work on M/leave OM. Detaching takes alot of time, and it can be a one step forward, 2 steps back. But how you do it is with the 180s and GALing.
Please, please!! Reread the suggestions!! My sitch has affair in it, so I get it. I also get wanting a quick fix. Like Michelle says, it may take a really long time. Months, years! Detaching, GALing, etc isn't about preparing for the worst. For me, I look at it as living in the moment. If I'm sitting here trying to do X so in the future I get H to do Z, then I'm not living in right now.
No one hasn't been where you are. None of us are here because we want our M to end. We all want them saved. Bit the only person I can change is me. My changes might then effect my H, but also like Michelle says, it takes time. These changes need to be permanent.
Good luck. I really hope you really let everything that everyone is saying sink in.
M: 9 yrs T: 13 yrs H:34 Me:35, S4, D2, S 7 months Dday 11/12-PA & multiple PAs Dbing 12/12 S 1/13 7/13 H moved back in basement. 8/13 #3 born 10/13 still cheating 10/13 He moves across country, I file for D
