trying to get her back

[25yearsmlc]

Sorry for the late responds
Excuse the typos most times my mind moves faster then my fingers.
Yes i have been acting like a victim here i would rather do it here then to her. I know she gave me reason why she left me, but they are so trite. I do not except them.

You don't "accept" them? Who cares if you do? You think if you just "tell her" she is wrong, that helps HER or YOU? You do neither of you any good w/that "blame her" approach.

She has her reasons and she gave them to you. Your first post you dismissed her concerns and made her desire to leave all about how and why SHE was WRONG to want to leave. In your first post you dismissed her, which makes me wonder what you are hearing here. B/c we are telling you to work on the ONE person you can affect, YOU.

Labelling and blaming HER does not help your cause. It prevents you from growth.
Here are a few of your comments at the start of this thread, when she said she was not happily married.

"I told her she's never happy." (means you need do nothing new or different. So the marriage will not be better or different, so why would she come home?)

"I told her she has an anxiety issue..."(Wow, that's a helpful comment). You know, 90% of married women who take anti depressants have h's who they describe as "critical" or 'non supportive".


I don't see much growth from then to now, b/c saying you think her reasons are "trite" means you STILL don't get it. THey are NOT trite. You still blame her for leaving and you act as if this is her being "crazy".

To me, That comment alone is so insulting and unsympathetic, shows how serious her concerns are.


I have been working on changing myself, I have had many great discussion with my therapist about myself and why I was who I was. I am coming to terms with that and I am understanding that i must be in the here and now rather than the there and then.

Do you still think her concerns are "trite"? Not being a partner, but making her responsible for all choices and decisions was a "trite" complaint?



This inability to stand up for myself has been something i have deal with my whole life. But not anymore I am learn to feel that sinking feeling and reacting to it.

being conflict avoidant is not a trait that saves you from conflict except in the very short run. On the contrary, It leads to deeper resentments and zero conflict resolution.

I have been looking for a new job send out numerous resumes and have been to five interviews.

I am concerned for her, she continues more and more cosmetic surgery, i am worried about her...

Focus on YOU and YOUR work, not hers. Don't deflect from the work you must do on you. She has her life and she's trying to live it.

You would do well to do the same.

Here's the deal...your wife won't return to you, unless/until she believes that
marriage to you, could be better/different than before.

How are you showing her that? Not TELLING her, but showing her?