Got through January which is always a winter obstacle for me. February will be another hill to climb.
Quick review: BD last June. H in EA w OW. His mom died in AUgust from cancer. H moved out 11-12. H claims he hasn't made a "decision" about his future. I think he has.
Wow. I can't believe I condensed my sitch so briefly. It seems like it has been so long since BD. We have 3 boys who are all dealing w their dad moving out differently.
H comes to our house to see boys each day after school and on w/e from noon to dinnertime. It is hard for me to be around him at times. He seems so cold and distannt to me. He is a stranger in my H's body.
We had a good M (or so I thought). We hardly ever fought. We took lots of vacations w our family. Things started getting "different" when H's mom was diagnosed w cancer. I unfortunately wasn't in tune w his distancing from me. I didn't nurture him like he needed. He moved away from me when he found someone else who he thought "understood" him more, gave him lots of verbal praise, and who needed him (she was going through a tough M sitch, I guess).
Regardless, here we are. Together for 20 years and we are like strangers. He has rejected our family life, as he got tired of living "minute to minute" w schedules, carpooling, getting things done at home, etc. The never-ending routine is one of his complaints. Yet, this is part of family life.
OW has 2 younger children, so I don't see how adding another family is going to be the answer to his happiness issues.
I feel like if H's EA becomes a PA I will be done. He is trying to "live as a M man" while he is living on his own. OW is still living w her Ex(?) while they are trying to sell their house. I think my H & OW are waiting for her to be "free" from her Ex. I really don't get it.
I want to be hopeful but my H has shown absolutely NO baby steps in my direction. He seems to be moving slowly on the same path since the beginning.
I am sad for me and my boys. I am getting used to our new normal of living w/o him, though. I don't want to go through life feeling the loneliness I feel now.
I have also given myself a timeline, but don't want to say it out loud just yet. I can't live in limbo forever, nor do I deserve to be treated like OPTION B. I'm not even sure if he would see me as an option at all anymore, as he seems fairly sure he would never have feelings for me again. (Mind reading, a little here, but that is my interpretation of what he's said).
Pray every night for hope, guidance, love, peace, happiness and strength. Both for me and H.
M- 18 T-21 S-14,11 & 10 BD 6-18-2012 (OW-EA) H moved out 11-3-2012 10-5-13 Me- I want a divorce. I want to move on w my life. 11-25-13 Jointly filed.
