25 – Thank you I really needed that swift kick in the a$$ and a lot of tough love from someone like you. I’m not upset, I really appreciate it and definitely gives me something to focus on…
To answer some of your questions-
When I say that she was freaking out, it was that she came into the house and started yelling about reviewing the document and when this would be done.
I the state we live in, it is an equitable (not necessarily 50/50) division of assets and debt. As I understand the law all assets are jointly owned until the time of the divorce is decreed is signed by the judge. My W’s interpretation is that upon submitting the divorce document to the court that she no longer is required to split any assets. I guess this is one to let the lawyer sort through.
I will take your suggestion and think about 2-3 actions/words that will show me differently. I agree, she is seeing the same old-same old me. I have been told this by a few of the other people here…I guess it was not setting in until now.
I also get what you are saying about not trying to slow down the divorce, since this is what she wants and will only make her angry. Also bashing her for support for me when my mom and others died last year. I did text and apologize for saying that to her. I also told her that I would review the document and get back to her in a reasonable time.
You are again correct that I do tend to hold things over her head. I am especially angry about the EA that she has been in for the last two years. I think this is the one area that I need to work on.
We are in a lesbian relationship. The OW that she is in this EA with has been a friend of mine for 20+ years and my W for about 17 years. When I first found out about it I confronted the OW and she said there was nothing going on, but truth came out when I found a notebook that my W had written texts between her and the OW. (Note: I was not snooping, but found this when I went to grab a notebook from a stack of what I thought were available books from my W. She had left the one with all of her notes on top of a stack of empty ones.)
From reading your responses I see I really need to be working on the following: Forgiveness, my anger, dwelling on the past and bring it back up during times of opportunity, debating what she’s say to be what I think she really wants (I’ve really tried to stop this tactic) and “winning” and “blaming” during each argument/discussion. I see it now from your post…Its about being happy not right!
My W texted me last night while I was over friend’s house for dinner. The first was, “I wanted to ask you to come to nieces graduation no matter our situation is at that point”. Family lives in FL and this would be and that her family “love you and want you to be there”. Friday when she was here, she said her timeline for the divorce was April for it to be final, so going to FL in June to be with her and her family would be very awkward and confusing to me. Maybe this something I can figure out how to work on too…
