Keeping my wife from walking out

[25yearsmlc]

Well, obviously all the things I thought I had been doing to keep her from going did not work. Last night she told me that she called the property management company and asked them to give the tenant 60 days to leave the house. So she will move in there, but not until April 1st.

I guess in a way it's good because she's still here. We still sleep in the same bed, ML occasionally and she still is giving me the green light to continue working to salvage the situation. That is a huge positive.


I think she is pretty dead set on leaving though, because she now wants to "prove" that she can make it on her own.

This may not be the worst thing that could happen to her. AND your work might be easier to do without her there, grading you.

She tells me that she still senses fear in most of my interactions with her, and that my confidence has not improved at all. These are deep-seated issues, and things that I need to work hard to change.

She gave you a valuable piece of intel. Fear is NOT attractive to any woman. Lacking confidence also isn't appealing. Stop checking her reactions (or hide it better).

Yes these are deep seated issues of YOURS and it's not her job to repair them. IT's solely your responsibility to become confident as a good man in this world. She cannot teach you that (or you'd already feel that way b/c you thought the marriage was good even when you admitted being too dependent on her).

Are you seeing a good t for YOU? Look up a workshop called Essential Experience (EE) and or Imago. They work on personal issues. EE is for individuals although sometimes couples go (usually they go separately so they don't feel inhibited with their spouse there). I'm not sure if Imago does individualized work, but you need it.

No shame in that. I went and found EE profoundly helpful. IT changed my life so much (this was 20 years ago) that after a few months, my h went himself. Mind you, our marriage was not our issue then. We both had some childhood baggage that affected us and when he saw my changes and the improvement in how I handled family dynamics and work and motherhood, etc, HE decided to go. He told me once that it was the "Best gift" he ever got. Since he's not the type of man to seek out personal growth workshops, that says a lot.

Anyhow, since you recognize you have deep seated issues to work on, that must be your focus.

Good luck, I think no matter what SHE does, you will be a better man for this. Don't scoff at that; it's huge.

((( )))



I got the DR book over the weekend, and am reading it/practicing as much as possible.

The book is key. It will translate a lot of what we say here too. But realize that the personal issues you have won't all be covered in the book of course.

So do that work--the real journey in life is an inward one.

Dig deep. Be brave about what you seek. I think down deep what you'll find under the layers of fear and pain from your past

is a good man who wants to fully love and be fully loved.

When you Learn to ditch those fears, you'll see that they do NOT serve you well.