Are you sure he wants the financials for the D or the tax refund? I never trust when my addict bullies me for some financial info. Also, financial info is the best when it comes to bullying us spouses--you're tired and overwhelmed and working harder than you should be and in a pressure cooker and his disease is going to use that for all it's worth-----to get his own way.
From the minute I read what your H had said, I was reminded of my own situation. One time, I came home from a family reunion (H had stayed home because he wanted to use) and he handed me divorce papers. I had just driven our 4-year-old to North Carolina and back. I was exhausted. Driven all night to get home. While I was gone, he had called me to tell me how much he loved and missed me. The minute I walked into the house, he handed me papers. Turned out it was a bluff.
Another time, he convinced his parents that I was INSANE--he simply HAD to leave me to save his own sanity. That time he had been using in secret for four years. I only discovered the truth because he had hidden a bag in the sidewall of his truck. Somehow I found it-musta been snoopin.
I could give you at least 50 more situations where he was ABSOLUTELY, POSITIVELY CONVINCED THAT WE WERE DONE. He handed me papers, hired an attorney, did some horrible despicable thing...
A reminder... An alcoholic acts and we react. He's acting again. You don't have to do anything you aren't ready for... Don't do anything to make this easy. Is he simply trying to get YOU to do the work?
My H is a super lazy SOB when he is in active addiction. He's great at getting me to do stuff like taxes, getting the financials together, etc... I've learned over the years, to do things on MY TIME...He has bullied me enough over the years. Tell him you have someone looking over the financials and will get the info to him when it's ready. Step back. Let him ask again, and again. Until YOU are ready.
I don't believe for a second this is what He really wants. This is what his illness wants. He obviously cares about what you think and about his girls since he has made an attempt--albeit a small one--to parent recently.
Let him Go and Let God.
You can do this!
Heather
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
