Hi AS, yes I have the 5 Love Languages book. My W and I started reading it together in December but she told me she didn't want to any more because it was too painful to see how I had stopped meeting her needs. I continued for a little while on my own, but stopped during the holidays. Need to restart... I have also just realized that a 180 just means doing the opposite (or different) from what I had been doing. My approach of just giving her a lot of space is not working. If anything it seems to make her feel more neglected. It IS like a dance FY, thanks for that analogy.
We used to talk endlessly about anything. She's a huge talker, I am somewhat less of a talker but we meshed pretty well on that end. Now there are long periods of silence where I get uncomfortable because I can't think of anything to talk about. She's challenging me because she's not initiating conversation, and I'm failing. This is a topic where I think I can make some quick progress. I noticed that when we talk for extended periods, we seem to just feel closer.
OK, item 1: more conversation. Thanks guys. I'll report back.
if you ever read Dale Carnegie's book on "How to Win Friends & Influence People" you'd have found that when you need conversation, MOST people enjoy talking about themselves.
SO ASK HER questions. Consider it an interview of sorts. Think ahead of what you'll ask and then, ask intelligent follow ups b/c if you just read from a script, it'll show you are not listening to her answers.
So ask, and LISTEN and process it. Don't argue with it. LEARN about her. Be interested in her. One question may lead to so much conversation, that it's all you need. Save the other questions for some other time if that happens.
This way there's no pressure for you to become "Mr. Entertaining!" You don't need that. You just need better interactions. Less pressure. And if she gives you one word answers, don't ask questions that yield those.
Ask how something made her feel, how her day at work was or w/the kids, etc.
What she thought of some current event or a family situation, etc.
Make sense?
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
