EXPERIMENTING with physical touch with W

[adinva]

1. You should probably ignore everything I say because my husband is divorcing me and there's nothing I can do about it. I'm happier in myself than I've ever been, and I stand alone as a beautiful and powerful person, no longer dependent on my role as a wife for my purpose in life and my self-esteem. I'm ready for anything and I'm going to have a great life. But I cannot control my H or the misery he is experiencing and I'm can't make him stop this. So...I'm a failure. Ignore my advice.

2. I think it's a misperception to suggest that any person here saved their marriage. I think the best you can possibly truly say is that they saved themselves and stopped making things worse...and then they were fortunate to get another chance at their marriage. But I believe in my heart that one person CANNOT save their marriage. They can only stop helping to kill it. That's all they can do. So your faith in people who did xyz is based on the fact that you think their xyz caused their end result. That is not a linear path, and there was a lot that happened on the other spouse's side, through luck, through awakening, through God, whatever, but factors that were entirely beyond your heroes' control.

3. If you're satisfied that with your confidence, good job, degrees, and "other peoples'" high opinions of you that you are good enough and your W should come back to you and be happy, good luck with that. In my opinion, it feels much better to put the blame on myself and get to work improving myself than it does to point at 10 friends who think I was a good wife and sit on my butt and wait for my H to wake up.

4. You say all the people in your home culture who don't believe in divorce were happy with what they had, and to extrapolate from what you said, their children too learned happy healthy relationship skills and passed them on to the next generation. I call B.S. You've been given a wake-up call that your W WAS NOT HAPPY in your marriage. You want her to find out it's not so bad and come back and tolerate it for the rest of her life. You can't figure out why she wasn't satisfied with you. That right there, that's where your work should be right now. Finding that out and working on it.