Thanks Wendylon. I completely agree re being with someone else. Not sure how another woman would be able to devote herself to S12 and I would'nt expect her to to be honest.
Re W wanting to escape I can completely understand that but its taken a while. I missed the signs. On more than one occasion over the last 12 months she said she wanted to just run away, but then quickly backed it up by saying not from you, she just felt worthless.
My work got in the way a lot too in the early years. Not at weekends, but during the week W held the fort. The other thing is that W is right that she was not a priority. I am sad to say that behind S12 and my work I did not show W enough support, attention etc. Unfortunately now I realise this it feels as if it is too late.
For W I don't think it was about actually doing the chores, it was more that I never appreciated it in the right way. Learning about the love languages I now realise that she just wanted praise etc and TBH I took it all for granted. Stupid I know!
Looking back I think her spending so much time internet shopping was her way of making herself feel better. Not just spending on her but on the kids too. I was staggered when she moved out as she must have had about 30 pairs of jeans stashed away under the bed! and probably the same in shoes.
To summarise all this I don't honestly blame W for wanting to escape. When I reflect I can see how trapped she must have felt and this must have eaten away at her to the point she was looking for someone to pin it on or an OM to take her away from it all.....and I did'nt help to make it otherwise until BD. Yes, I stepped up a bit, but not the wholesale change that was needed to rescue this.
I think now she has moved out, the realisation is starting to hit that it was not just me but life. However, her main break is me taking S at weekends. This is what worries me, that why W would give up her main respite to spend time with me and S together.....and how do I convince her that even if we lived togther again, she would still have these breaks each weekend, would have more help with chores, would be appreciated more and would be number 1.
However, all this is still along way off and assumes she did eventually want the M to work! So for now I will keep focussing on S, GAL and getting my house in order.
