I am all over the place. We went out to dinner with the kids. It's not fun for me at all. Doing things as a family. But My boys don't want to go alone with him. S8 says he loves Daddy but can't trust him or believe what he says. S5 doesn't want to go without me. So to avoid H accusing me of keeping the children from him, I go. It reminds me that I want to keep our family together. I want him to hit rock bottom fast and realize this is a huge mistake. But with the OW still in the picture (he says through email only), I know he feels encouraged and empowered. I cannot do anything to make him feel remorse...to make him change his mind. He seems angry at me. He got what he wanted, he left. He wants it all. The close family environment, our cozy house, the financial security WITHOUT me in the picture. It seems like if I were dead, he would have just what he wanted. But he would still be him, with all his problems...just like he is now.
