Soul.Searching my way back.

[Soul.Searching]

I remember as a kids, I used to bounce like 20 bouncy balls at one time and watch the go all over the place. Up and down, back up in a different direction, down in another.... I know feel like I AM those bouncy balls.

I am all over the place these last few days. I don't like it.
I'm feeling very hurt and betrayed right now,.. Not by H but by my IL's
I know it stupid, I know I shouldn't feel like this but I do.
My kids were telling me how them, H, OW and her kids went to FIL's to celebrate his Birthday. H dropped OW and her kids at SIL's house while he brought the kids home. It hurts so much, it shouldn't be like this. It just shouldn't. I feel replaced.
It's just so soon and I feel like they shouldn't be allowing it. I know they are his family not mine but they were my family too for so long and I miss them. I miss them so much.

To make matters worse, D9 has been very angry/ upset when she comes home so I talked to her tonight. She said she likes it better being over there because they have better stuff. Also the kids had new underwear on, that OW brought them to keep up there, she gave them money too. What is she playing at? I just want to punch her in the face!

Today [censored].