Separated, in different states....

[labug]

Yes, you have to ready.

[uRworthy]

L, I am so sorry if you feel that some of the posters were harsh.

The people on here really are just trying to help. We have all been through some form of marital crisis.

People are different and so you will find that everyone has a different approach.

We all want the same thing for you. We want you to get to a place where you can begin to heal and figure out what you want and who you want to be.

These are some of the smartest, kindest, and most compassionate people I have had the pleasure to "meet".

They ask the tough questions because they really want to see you start your journey.

So, take some time if you need, but, I hope you begin to see that we are here for you.

[AnotherStander]

I'm not going to spend the rest of my life trying to win back my H. He either wants to be together or not.

Well this forum is for people that want to do the hard work it takes to restore their marriage. DB'ing is all about fixing our own problems with the end goal of attracting our spouse back. We're not here to sit around and wait to see if our spouse will change their mind, we're actively doing things to encourage them to change their mind.

At this point I could care less.

Then perhaps this isn't the right environment for you, because we here do care to get our spouses back. We care a LOT. And we care that others get their spouses back too, so much so that we're willing to give our own time freely towards that end.

I don't consider this support.

Maybe what you need is individual counseling. That is not what these forums are about, we are not counselors, we are peers who are in various stages of our own marital problems. We are here to offer advice and to help steer you in the right direction. If what you're looking for is emotional support then counseling might be a better option.

[MrBond]

"Yes the chord it struck with me was:

"Apologies are never enough."

they aren't. Actions are.

"And the reason it struck of chord is because my H rarely if ever apologizes. I also have other family members who have abused me and then demanded that I apologize because I was offended by their harm towards me."

If you're not open to people here, how do you expect them to help you? And on top of that, I was referring to your 2 EAs which you kind of just glossed over. They are a REAL important dynamic to this and I don't think you get the fact that it is a real blow to a person's self-esteem. I get it that you probably felt that way about his porn addiction. HOWEVER, you said he is actually getting help for that. In what way have you come to terms with what you've done?

No one is innocent and being stubborn and not listening to others doesn't help.

We might be able to see things through your H's eyes that you can't because you're too close. But the bottom line is that you're not him so you can't truly say or explain why he does the things he does.

"That totally contradicts my belief system and I'm not going to change it to satisfy MrBond. "

Evidently you didn't read what I wrote.

Honestly, a M is about accepting a person the way they are and with that comes alot of compromise on both parts. You both just keep hurting each other and instead of opening up, you're building walls to shield yourself from getting hurt. Your walls come in the form of sarcastic remarks, flippant replies, etc.

If you really don't think your M is worth it, then file. I honestly don't see anything that can't be healed in your sitch, but you're going to have to open up a little and accept a little leap of faith.

But it's your choice if you're too afraid to open up right now.