Limbo Land II

[jzoom]

I'm sure not many will agree with what I did. Keep in mind, we aren't married, never have been married, and I haven't calmly done this before.

Early in the day she texts me about this matter I don't want to put on here. I tell her it needs to get resolved but I also ask if she's seriously with OM and she says yes, she's told me and I know where she's been staying. At this point I tell her that if she isn't going to sleep here again and work on things with me then she needs to get her stuff out. She says she's going to work on it. I tell her that way we both can move on with our lives without worrying about the other and it was nice knowing her. I tell her that I'm sorry I made her miserable, that I made mistakes and lost a special woman, and I hope she's happy in her new life.

That is a summary of the text exchange we had. A couple hours later I text and say there is something I'd like to chat with her about and asked if she would call me if she got a chance. An hour later I get the call, I stayed calm and did my best to sound confident but my heart was racing and my breath was shallow.

On the call I told her that I still care about her and the kids and I want them to be happy. I told her that if fully moving out, moving on, and being with somebody else is what she believes will make her happy and is the best for the kids I support her. I told her that if she ever changes her mind, even in a year, to not be afraid to talk to me. I said that I couldn't make guarantees that we would get back together but that I wanted to keep the lines of communication open in that regard, I just didn't want her to fear approaching me if she wanted to get back with me.

I did this b/c I've run across some posts by ppl worrying that once they detach the WAS might be afraid to try and come back b/c of the mess they've made. Also, anger issues, treating her like a child, etc have been problems. I know I have to back those words up with actions now.

When I told her that was everything she just started telling me about how much she's working her two jobs, isn't getting to spend time with the kids, is struggling with money, and said she didn't want me thinking she was ignoring me. I told her I understood, I know how it feels to work that much, and that I didn't think she was ignoring me. Oldest child is with his father tomorrow for his bday and she has to work on the babies first bday which I know she isn't happy about and I could hear the disappointment in her voice. I just validated best I could.

She was telling me how she's hardly getting to eat with the hours she's working and she was spending her day off doing laundry. I told her that if she needed food at work she could ask me to drop it off. I told her I wouldn't always be able to but she could ask. Then I told her that if she needed help with the laundry she could bring it by the house. I wrapped up the conversation and said goodbye first.