finding my way

[hotwheelsaust]

My DB coach helped me think a way was to send a letter talking about the love my W has brought to our family (two sons). So rather than talk about my love for her, or what I miss from her, simply a note about the way her love has made the family.

[littleGTO]

s9 is sick today so GAL cancelled. Now I'm not feeling so great either. H took other 2 boys out to have some fun and "get out of the sick house."

But, I did go out w GF after work yesterday for drinks and conversation. Although we spent the entire time talking about my sitch, it felt good to get support. She get not push about why I'm hanging on or anything. She validated the "limbo" stage we seem to be in.

In reality I don't think H is really in limbo anymore. I think he's made his decision to be w OW. I think he's waiting for her D to be final and she & her Ex to sell house so they are living together any more.

I am clearly his OPTION B. BUt, in reality I'm not sure I am any more. Although I am not ready to drop the rope, I am moving in that direction, as I've not seen ANY baby steps in my direction after 7 months (3 months of S). It would take a HUGE 180 on his part to make me want to take him back.

So, where does that leave me? Well, in limbo...for now. I choose to hang on to the 1% of hope.

The thing is, unlike other S's on here, my H has NOT been mean to me. COld, indifferent, a stranger, but not mean. He tries to help out at our house when he's here; he's more present w our boys when he's here; and he's trying to be a good co-parent.

It [censored] that is he w/o feeling towards me.

[tori2012]

GTO, get some rest so you recover soon. There's a 2-week virus going around (the one I caught.) Take care of yourself.

What I wonder is, if your H's plans are to be with the OW (did he say this to you?) then why hasn't he filed for D? It doesn't make sense. I wonder if you're doing too much mind reading.

[littleGTO]

Tori,
I think H wants to keep his options open as long as he can. And, I don't think he will file until OW is free (not living w Ex).

He & my SIL talked recently (she is my biggest confidante) and she tried to instill some huge doubts in his mind about future w OW. Also, she asked him if he was guarenteed that his feelings for me were to return and he had to choose between me & OW who would he choose? He said me.

BUt he doesn't think it is possible that his feelings for me will ever return. And, I don't think they can either until/unless he decides to give her up. I don't think he can give her up until/unless he explores the R he has w her futher (changing from current EA to a PA). And, by that time I don't think I'll be waiting in the wings.

I am doing mind reading. I can't help it. Because I choose to be here for him should he ever see the light, I also ponder what the possibility of that happening is. Slim to none, I think.

I think this helps me to detach and to think about GAL things to do.

I need lots of rest as my energy level is very low. S9 and I are keeping each other company on the couches!

[tori2012]

GTO, if thinking of the sitch this way helps you to detach and GAL, then go ahead. However, I'm a firm believer that to make something happen, you must see it in your mind first. You have to have faith. So keep the faith. Even if there's a 1% chance, there is a chance. Keep your focus on the positive outcome until your heart tells you you've had enough.

Hope you feel well soon ((((())))

[afa75]

Gto,
First hope you physically feel better sooner than later. With that will bring a little more emotional improvement.
Do your best not mindread your H, as his mind is probably fluctuating back and forth (not knowing what he wants in an R).

I agree with Tori in the sense of envisioning what you want to make it happen. Continue to try to do that regarding who you want to be as a new and improved Gto. That way you can hold onto to the 1% and keep going forward.

((((( )))))

[littleGTO]

Thanks, Tori & afa,
I need to start a new thread, so please follow me there!