Out of the abyss

[Wendylon]

I remember that when H had his full blown EA-PA, 8-9 years ago, I definitely got the sense that he associated our home life and me with S13's special needs. Someone had to watch S all the time and we either had help or one of us was on duty so to speak. Even if we had someone else with S, we still had to engage with that person and guide her/him. His A gave him a break from all the caring of S and the dealing with his carers and our local education authority.

When H eventually chose us over OW (now more than eight years ago), I deliberately took on all, and I really mean all, S13's care (then S5) so that our household wasn't about chores and responsibilities for him. I admit that then I was completely focused on S5 and his home programme and assumed that everyone else in the family--especially H--was as motivated as I was to make sure S13 got the best possible teaching. It was all-consuming for me. I know that H loves S13 too but he wasn't as driven as I was.

One of the reasons that I can't imagine being with an OM is precisely because I can't imagine being with someone who isn't devoted to S13. It didn't work like that for my H somehow in that on the contrary he needed a break from S and all the issues. Or maybe, it did work the same way in the end since he didn't stay with OW..

It would make complete sense for your W to want to escape all that goes with special needs, house issues and debt and to make you the fall guy since obviously you'd be associated with all those other areas of stress.

FY's idea of you moving or making your current house as welcoming as possible is great. I'm sure that you doing work on the house is positive whether you stay there for a bit or move on.