finding my way

[littleGTO]

s9 is sick today so GAL cancelled. Now I'm not feeling so great either. H took other 2 boys out to have some fun and "get out of the sick house."

But, I did go out w GF after work yesterday for drinks and conversation. Although we spent the entire time talking about my sitch, it felt good to get support. She get not push about why I'm hanging on or anything. She validated the "limbo" stage we seem to be in.

In reality I don't think H is really in limbo anymore. I think he's made his decision to be w OW. I think he's waiting for her D to be final and she & her Ex to sell house so they are living together any more.

I am clearly his OPTION B. BUt, in reality I'm not sure I am any more. Although I am not ready to drop the rope, I am moving in that direction, as I've not seen ANY baby steps in my direction after 7 months (3 months of S). It would take a HUGE 180 on his part to make me want to take him back.

So, where does that leave me? Well, in limbo...for now. I choose to hang on to the 1% of hope.

The thing is, unlike other S's on here, my H has NOT been mean to me. COld, indifferent, a stranger, but not mean. He tries to help out at our house when he's here; he's more present w our boys when he's here; and he's trying to be a good co-parent.

It [censored] that is he w/o feeling towards me.