I wasn't able to reply on my old thread and I just wanted to drop in.
Things seem to be better, but often times I still feel discouraged and hopeless about a reconciliation.
The other woman moved away the first week of January. During that time my husband and I have really been doing some couple building exercises and having some good talks, some hurtful ones too.
He often says he lost that spark for me, that emotional connection and he fears he won't ever be able to get it back. That he doesn't love me the way I want him to, and he wishes he could kill his feelings for the other woman.
Things still are not where I feel they should be. The other woman constantly calls, and my husband is planning on buying her flowers for valentines day and going to see her in Colorado. I told him this was hurtful and a dealbreaker for me. He asked me to understand that he doesn't want to do those things, but he is afraid she will do something drastic if he tells her how he doesn't want a relationship with her. He is wanting her to move on and find someone else, but he feels indebted to her- because she "saved" him during a hard time in his life.
He thinks we fight a lot, and I admit I am good about telling him how things make me feel, how they hurt and then he shuts down. He left for Tennessee last week to see his mom and I thought time apart would be a good thing, for him to clear his head and figure out what he wants.
We have had no contact for a week, and I don't plan on having contact for a while. I cannot help it when he returns but for now, its just ignoring the phone or turning it off. Its definitely hard.
Its wishy washy, he is back and forth, he is depressed and doesn't know how to fix it. He says me telling him how his actions hurt is me trying to control him. I just feel like I should be able to tell him how I really feel, not hide it because he will get upset.
So I don't know where this is headed really, but every day is different and we have good times and major fallbacks.
How is everyone doing?
M-28 H-28 M-9 1/2 years T- 12 years PA- 01/02/12 (still going on)
