'I regognized I messed it all up, it's not secret I'm in shambles, I cry every night, there, I'm not ashamed to say it, I'm a wreck, but practically, in the facts, I don't even know what to do, where to start, what to think, what to feel'

Write a list of everything your W complained to you about, everything people have told you here about you and every fault you recoginse about yourself. Then next to each one write the opposite.

Then work through each one on what you are going to do to work on to make yourself a better person....and not from the point of view that if I buy a house W will think I am good with money. Leave W out of it completely. This is for you and you alone.

Treat W like you would a neighbour or friend. No pursuit, polite contact but only if she initiates it. Follow her lead and don't play games with her and be responsible for you and your S.

Your W has a wall around her like steel and you are not going to break it by buying a house or anything else. Like 25yrs says consistent change that she can believe in. This means 12 months at least (IMHO)and that timescale is growing with every post you make on here.

Your posts sound like you are always looking for the next thing that will win her back and if it does not work then you will move onto something else. Forget her for now, if you don't focus on changing your behaviours and attitude she will never come back. This is about making you a better person, stronger, more responsible, a better parent etc etc.....and that does not involve your W at all at this stage.

Be organised financially and generally. When you start to feel like a new you then you have just begun your journey. You are way off the mark at the moment so if you are serious you wipe the slate clean, brush yourself off and start again. Don't dwell on the past but learn from it.

If it does end in D then you will be a better person and your next R will be better for it.

Do not be a victim. Be strong, independent and stop whining. You will not stop her finding someone else and have no control over her so you control you and you alone.

You have a huge number of posts with advice from experienced people who have made this process work to save their M. You are v lucky to have them on board so absorb what they write and work on it. This will be the toughest thing you ever do so man up or give up.

Anyone can make mistakes but it is a fool that does not learn from them.