I slipped at our dance formation class this past week. I let someone get to me. There's a woman in the class who sometimes makes inappropriate comments. My W complimented me during class, and the woman stated that was surprised by my W's comments (implying my W doesn't compliment me in class, which is sometimes true). I don't see where she needs to be making commentary about my R. I let the comment bother me, and kept quiet for the rest of the class, when I could have been socializing with the rest of the group.
This is the sort of thing I need to work on--maintaining my balance when people aren't validating or inappropriate. My strength is my heart and sensitivity. I need to combine it with strength. I think I'm making progress, but let others and situations unbalance me. In the past I would stay unbalanced and act as if I were powerless. I'm now recognizing this pattern, and getting my balance back more quickly, but it takes effort, and it's not natural yet.
I know what I need to do. I'm going to have more of a presence at our next formation class. I'm going to accept that I can't control another person's inappropriate comments. I'm also going to work on being less self-conscious about what other people think of my W, her comments, and imperfections revealed to others about our R and past. We have an imperfect past, and it will sometimes reveal itself, or did reveal itself in past actions. I will tolerate this woman, and not be any more than civil to her. I will enjoy the people in class who I can connect with. I will speak up more in group conversations, instead of being so careful about saying something wrong, or worry about not being validated. It's my responsibility to balance myself after being surprised by inappropriate or invalidating comments or actions by others.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
