almost 3 months....seems like eternity

[Tallula]

I think a huge part of detachment & DBing is to do so with love.

I get it! H and I decided for me to quit my job when we had kids. I take care of the home, make his lunches, etc. after he dropped the bomb on me, I was like sooo, you want me to be ok with you being kind to OW, sleeping with her, buying her a gift & being mean to me, sleeping on the couch and I still do everything for you? Kiss it!!! It was angry to say the least. I have missed out on raises, 401k contributiins, etc. But, my goal was to stay married, and also to not let the actions of others dictate what kind of person I will be. He's a cheater, I'm not going to run out and cheat. I'm not a Cheater. My personal integrity is important. I want to keep my side of the street clean.

It seems your main reason for wanted to stop "supporting" her, is to "get her to see!". She is trying to find a job. It is hard after being out of the workforce, I know!! It's the main reason I kept working very part time, and accepted a 2 day a week position last year. In my situation, I set my boundaries because I couldn't live that way. It has nothing to do with what it will show my husband. I mean, granted, he will get to see what life is like without us now that we are separated, but that had nothing to do with my decision. My family & friends keep focusing on that "oh, now he'll see!!". Maybe, maybe not. Not the point for me. I couldn't move forward in our R like he was trying to do with him doing the things he was doing.

If your goal is R, you really need to look at why this is bothering you. I think ladybug is right, and you are just angry & maybe your ego is taking a hit. Trust me, I get it! Just cutting her off won't show her any kindness. It's not like she's sitting over there living it up not trying to find work.