I think everyone struggles with detachment and it must be even harder in the same house. I am struggling and only see W twice a week.
Personally if your husband has given up alcohol and has cut dow on caffeine I think he has done extremely well. Do you openly encourage him/reward him for this...and it might explain him not functioning on the day to day stuff, feeling tired. I gave up smoking a month ago and that is hard enough.
It sounds like you are setting yourself for a spewing everytime you ask something or try and tell him how somethign should be done. Stop and just reward the things he does well. Some things are just not worth interfering with and let him make his own mistakes and clear up the mess afterwards. Don't ask anything of him and don't comment (unless it is positive). IMO if he has stopped drinking and cut down on caffeine he will be tired, irritable and it won't take much to set him off. You don't want to be in the position where he starts drinking again and blames you for it either...which he may do if he keep on at him.
Are you getting any you time at the moment to help with detaching?
You are doing well and we all have our moments. I run in cycles which are still v much in line with W behaviour towards me.
Thanks for the article. I have not read it yet but will do.
