Soul.Searching my way back.

[Soul.Searching]

The good the bad and the ugly: The other side.

Very early on in the relationship I tried to break up with H several times because of him lying to me. He always begged me not to and promised not to do it again.
He has never forgiven me for that. I has undiagonosed sleep disorders and I was a bitch in the mornings. I expected H to mind read.

Along came the babies and I changed. I got help for my sleep disorders and had higher priorities.

The last maybe fives years, I grew very resentful. I didn't forgive H for things he had done in the past. I didn't see any remorse from him. I didn't see him sorry for what he had done. I resented many things and became the victim.
I think I was a victim with codependent tendency's

I became bitter and started doing a bit of tit for tat.
I bitched about him going out. I bitched about him spending money.
Our relationship became a battle of control. I tried to demand respect in all the wrong ways. I tried to impose my core morals and values on H.

The last five years I started fighting back. It was a web of tit for tat, resentment and anger.

I felt inadequate, not good enough and let my fears drive me. I tried to enforce boundaries in all the wrong ways.

I didn't see how unhealthy our relationship was but H must have seen it.

I said hurtful things, I didn't let go of many things. I became a bitter, angry, resentful bitch.