Keeping my wife from walking out

[SM34]

Um, this is an interesting sitch. When i was reading all your posts, I'm not sure why but i got the impression that her sighing and frustrated behavior only started AFTER you had the conversation with her where she asked you why you didn't do certain things to save your marriage etc.

Not sure if this makes sense because I am only new to DBing myself. But, in DR, Michelle talks about how the WAS will sometimes exhibit anger and frustration when the LBS seems to understand what they did wrong and has begun to fix those issues.

She has basically been telling you that you need to "love her like a man". Depending on what culture she is from, that might actually mean "I need a manly man, not a wuss". In my culture of origin, men need to wear the pants if you know what I mean. Well, when you stood up to her about taking the kids overseas, you should her that you have balls.

When you explained to her why you didn't do certain things, and that it was because she was telling you one thing and then doing something else (mixed messages), you might have struck a nerve and made her realize that.

So to me her frustration is almost because you are "getting it" and that makes her reason for leaving not so convincing to her. Again, I might be reading this wrong, but that is the impression i get.

Also, when she says she needs more of you "emotionally" I don't think you should interpret that as hugs and kisses and physical affection. I think you pointed out that in your good days she would talk a lot and you would listen. That is when your relationship worked the best.

So, i would try to engage her in conversation that you know enables her to talk a lot. You know the topics she likes to talk about. Perhaps its other people, perhaps its about places, perhaps its about things that happen in her day. Then look for ways to throw in a few words that keep the conversation going, and allow her to talk some more.

Listen carefully for any EMOTIONS. Listen for anger, frustration, relief, happiness, sadness etc.. any emotions. Then, validate them!

Tips from AnotherStander that are working well for me:

When she says "I was so angry when blah blah happened". Tell her "Wow, yes you seem angry about it even now. How angry were/are you?". When she says "yes i was very angry/happy/frustrated" validate again. Say "I see/understand your frustration/anger, and you have every right to feel that way. Tell me more".... Keep the conversation going and let her talk talk talk. You listen and validate, and keep the convo going.

I think this is what she means by needing you emotionally. She is a talker, and at some point you stopped "listening" and that is why she feels neglected. Not from lack of physical touch. At least that is my analysis.

Can any pros shed some light?