almost 3 months....seems like eternity

[labug]

Sp, you might think I'm blowing smoke but I'm not.

When my H left, I wanted to hurt him, hurt him bad because I was hurting. I had always had the higher paying job, he stayed at home with the kids when they were younger while working PT at jobs that have no benefits or pension plans. As the boys got older that changed and he moved into a FT job with bennies but still making less.

When he left, I said some really nasty things about how he had taken advantage of me, I had worked so hard, I had supported the family yadda, yadda, yadda. Now he was leaving me the house and payments and on and on. I was going to play the money card and make him miserable.

Then I worked through the anger, settled down and thought about who I wanted to be in all this. This was a good man I had loved for a long time and still did, he worked hard for many years doing a difficult job, he put up with a lot from me for a long time, he was a great father.

He just no longer wanted to be married with me.

Do I wish he had done things differently? Sure, but he didn't. I'm also sure he wishes I had done some things differently through the years.

But is that a reason to punish someone? I'm not a big fan of punishment anyway, I don't think it works, or at least not the way we want it too.

So I let all my plans for revenge go. I detached, I forgave, I moved forward.

And I haven't regretted it.

We have worked out the money in a way that's agreeable to both of us and has kept us from being poor.

Reacting out of that hurt place might get you in a place that's difficult to return from.