What I'm learning from H stages, myself!

[albamarie]

Soul - yea, he was agreeing with the apes and identifying with the need to run free!

Journaling:
H spent the rest of the day sleeping and left in a bad way telling me he hadn't showered in a few days. I said come home in the morning and jump right in without thinking about it, he said he could never do that.

This morning H came home from work and did just that, he jumped in the shower and emerged a clean little boy and jumped in my bed He didn't really make conversation, but again laid down close.

I don't really care or mind if he does that, but it makes me wake up and evaluate who is this person to me. I don't know if this is weird but it's like he's nobody. There is a complete void in my mind when I try to think of who he is to me.

I look at him and see a void, I think of his as a void, I can't wrap my mind around who is this person to me. It's like living with a pod and trying to find the person in there when you know there really laying in a field somewhere you'll never find.

It protects me and keeps me from getting hurt but it also saddens me that it came to this. I am normal? Could I be over thinking or reacting to this? I had no urge to hug him, or stay even an extra min after I woke up. I went to be alone, the one thing in my life I hate, but prefer oever being w/h.