Is it humanly possible to drop the rope?

[AntoniaB]

I figured I'd answer some of Eric's questions.

I'm actually not alone that much. I have made friends in this area in the past few years. Our schedules don't match up, unfortunately. Most of the time, like yesterday, when I'm at work, they are off, and when I'm done, they'are at work. Doesn't mean I don't socialize, I do, but yesterday it just wasn't gonna happen.

Local friends have had all sorts of things going on--one is moving, one has a FIL just went into hospice. A few are sick with what I am still getting over.

My family (sisters) are both sick right now. One is visiting next weekend if she gets better in time. Parents--both relapsed sick.

I do have some social activities. I'm not isolated all the time. I see people usually 6 days a week. I'm not a hermit.

BUT. The nature of my career and my professional development, and all the extra stuff I've taken on to develop in my field professionally, which gets me a better position at work and importantly, a slightly higher salary, which I have to have to support myself, means that I HAVE to spend weekends or evenings doing research and writing.

I can't find the time to go away. I just won't meet the deadlines if I do. I have a conference in Boston in March, and I'm running a seminar, and for that I have to write a 5000 word paper in the next few weeks. It takes so much time to do this. I am still not done with the research. I do a little most nights of the week or one day of the weekend. I also have to write a 2500 word summation of the group's papers because I'm the chair, and then run the seminar.

I just became a mentor with a program to mentor new faculty. Now I've got to work with someone online to take care of that.

I just started up our book club again and have that to prep for. The one woman in book club wants to put together a set of essays and I'm helping her with planning that.

At work I just met with the dean and they want me to spearhead a concentration in my field for the college--I'd be organizing it and writing new coursework. I'm trying to find a writer to teach part-time for us and networking that. This is an immense opportunity. Basically they are so impressed with my books that they want me to start up something that will make our school unique, to get people to come just to do my program.

This stuff is all new from the past few months--I mean you're right, I'm not a loser, I'm actually enormously successful professionally and have done more in the time since bomb drop than I did my entire career and my career is really taking off. Oh and I just got asked to write a review of a book for a journal. That's due in April.

It is the "success" that has taken over my life, in a way.

I said to my friend last night "I'd like to do about half my output and have a typical normal married life, but with that not an option, I feel I have no option open but to go full-steam into super-scholar, super-professor."

It's not a bad option. It's the kind of thing I DREAMED of. Only in my wildest dreams when I started out did I ever have any inkling I'd even get to teach the great stuff I get to teach. I never saw myself having two books by age 43, being promoted to associate professor without a Phd, being an established writer, being asked to spearhead a program for students based on my expertise.

So where I want to be in 5 years, career-wise, I'm headed there now. I have zero interest in leaving this area/job. I like where I am--at times I downright love my job--and I am happy in my home. I can't conceive of a "better" job or place to live for me. The only change I see is that in 5 years I'll make more money and be able to hire more of the yardwork done which will be sweet!

I don't want kids, ever. I've never wavered on that. I don't see myself married ever again. I see myself ok with living with someone if I was in a relationship with him. I don't see myself with a roommate that I didn't have a relationship with.

I think about places I'd like to go. I'd like to see the Northern Lights. I cannot afford that until I've paid off debts to family. I owe several thousand dollars. Right now I'm not making enough to pay back more than maybe 500 a year (it's interest-free loan). I don't care if other people borrow money to pay for vacations when they have debt. I don't want to do it. I feel strongly that I need to pay people back before I start spending on an extravagant vacation.

I don't have any new hobbies I'd like to start because I have current hobbies I love that I barely get the time to spend doing as it is. My pledge to myself this year was twofold: visit my parents more than 2 times a year and spend more time with my hobbies.

So far the weather or illness have prevented my visiting them. Hopefully soon things will calm down and I can. They are in their 70s and are starting to have health problems and I do enjoy seeing them.

The way I see it I spend an enormous amount of time making my life happen already. I am overextended. So are my friends, so is my family.

I mean, I know I could have gone to Baltimore to see my girlfriend and spend a birthday weekend with her and that wouldn't be too expensive. But I also know if I did that I'd be down 2 full days of potential research/writing when my paper is due to the group in 20 days. I basically need every weekend this semester to finish all the papers I'm obligated to write.

My hope is that this summer I can get some free time, finally.

My long-range plan is to have fewer work obligations, I guess. But right now it is very hard to say no to all this opportunity for professional achievement. I'm lucky to be getting the opportunity. I don't want to look a gift horse in the mouth. But the trade-off is that much of the work involved in that opportunity is solitary work.

Before I was a basic prof with a husband and a rich family life. Now I'm super prof/scholar with scattered family and friends.

If I could have what I wanted, I'd have super prof/scholar WITH a husband and rich family life ;-)

Don't know when I'd sleep, but, that's the wish.