Why is NC so hard some days and other days I dont really think to much about it?
Like i keep saying i am so much on the fence still with sending one of the two texts I talk about in past posts. But im not sending anything at this point. It is getting so close to the time she made me leave the house. then short time latter I told her she had to leave as this was what she wanted not me.
Looking back i wish i could have changed some of the things I did but i can not. I have to be honest here as that is the way everyone can help me. I do miss my W very much I do still Love her very much, I just cant show it to her at this point I guess.
I'm fighting the idea of trying to find something I could send W for Valentines day. Even if it was 1 purple rose. She loves purple roses. But i think back to last year I sent 4 foot roses to her at work and was never told thank you nothing from her at all from valentines day. it was very hurtful. But her daughter gave me a card I still Have. She was so nice to me. She never got her mom anything too.
anyway i have not had contact with W since around the 19 20 of jan. but i so want to just even talk to her something. I also would really like to find out some how if she is seeing some one now. I have no reason to think she is other than it has been so long we have had no relations.....
