IMHO you've got major control issues that need to be resolved. I don't know if you realize it but you minimize alot of what your H had to deal with from you. You want to control everything. You even justified your EA by saying it's a result of your H's porn issues. They aren't. That was your decision to have the EA's and you could have dealt with your H's issues differently.
I don't think you need to tell everyone here how much you've suffered. We all have gone through things in varying degrees. We get it more than anyone else.
The problem is that on the one hand you say that you want to save your M, and on the other you say it's up to your H, etc. Just writing him an apology a couple of times isn't going to cut it. He's going to have to 'see' your changes. No accusations, no bringing up the past and most importantly for you to see things through his eyes for a change.
In all honesty, he's probably pretty happy right now because he feels like he doesn't have to be under your thumb any more. From a guy's point of view that's what it sounds like.
You say that you want him to be a leader in your R. Well that's according to your standards. Maybe there were times that he did act like a leader, but you didn't realize he was doing so because it wasn't something that YOU associated with being a leader. It happens.
But what's important is that you understand that there is that possibility. I can tell you for a fact that he probably never fully trusted you after your EAs if you swept them under the rug and blamed his porn addiction for your actions.
If you want to save your marriage, you're going to have to show him more compassion and understanding AND bite your tongue.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
