Then something changed and he became moody & depressed.
He was probably grieving the loss of OW. This may sound unfair, but when a spouse leaves their affair partner they DO grieve the loss of that person. It can take weeks or months for them to completely get over it, the best you can do in the meantime is offer them emotional support and give them some distance to grieve on their own.
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I started writing him letters telling him I'd be willing to work this out, I need for him to come clean about everything & then we can heal and move on.
You were probably applying too much pressure too soon. It can take a lot of time and a lot of counseling to recover from an affair.
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When he never responded I confronted him
Ouch. Yeah, that was pressure for sure. When he didn't respond he was sending you the message that he wasn't ready to go there yet.
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After hearing that I kind of gave up trying because how do I change someone's mind who decided he doesn't want to be married?
You can't change his mind, but he can. So you change the one thing you can control- YOU. Do 180's on your faults in the M. Detach. GAL. Give your H time and space to appreciate the new you, and hopefully he'll eventually decide to give the M another shot.
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I was feeling empowered so the following day I brought up doing a trial separation
The LBS should NEVER bring up S or D. You can talk about it if the WAS bring it up, but don't force it. That needs to be the WAS's decision. Do you tend to control and manipulate things in the marriage? I'm just asking because that's how it appears when you try to force an S. Think about it, if that's how you've been then you might consider a 180 on that.
